garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
