he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
