Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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