It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
