I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
