So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
