I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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