My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
