ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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