it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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