i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
