she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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