I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
