great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
