Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
