using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the liver wants what the liver wants
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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