that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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