he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
