Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
