when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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