I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
