i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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