Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
