the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
