Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
