i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
