I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
