You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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