I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
