Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
