he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
