Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
