I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
