my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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