dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
