Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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