Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Randomize
