Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
