38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
