I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
