the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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