Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my shit smells like andre
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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