That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
