Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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