At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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