Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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