Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
