I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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