he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
