I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize