a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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