Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
