Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
