I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize