this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
