Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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