I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
