Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
