I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
