He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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