3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
