I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
