Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
