First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
