Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
